Staying Small and Under the Radar

I was listening to a Ted Talk by Brene Brown at 3 minutes 30 seconds Shame and Vulnerability

Innovation, creativity, and change were the things I was asked to talk about--not shame or vulnerability.

Vulnerability is not weakness, she says.  That myth is profoundly dangerous.

Lean into the discomfort One needs to live and love with, not without, vulnerability.

Stories are "data with a soul"

Emotional risk, exposure, honesty, and it is an accurate measure of courage.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.  Create something!  Adaptability to change is vulnerability.

It is a spiritual awakening moment to break down.

Cultural "truth:" if you cannot measure it, it doesn't exist.

She wants to talk about messy topics.  Relationships are messy, but they give meaning to our lives--the ability to feel connected is how we are wired!

She wants to lay the code out for everyone to see.



I called my friend Chris and was so grateful I could be vulnerable with her.

"Opportunity for growth" amidst all the positives leads one to focus on that problem area!

I told Chris that I struggle with seeing the positive.  It is the one negative thing amidst all the positives that I will zero in on, stressing and frustrated.

Ask about love, and you hear about heartache.
Ask about belonging, you hear about rejection.
Ask about connection, and you hear about disconnection.

Shame:  fear of disconnection
The more you talk about it, the less you have it ;)

To make a connection possible, one has to be seen!

Speak up!

I have gotten stuck in the why-I-can't, trapped into just saying "poor me."

That is not the kind of daughter I want!  We have been talking about being proactive, being relentlessly happy.  And we know Who does that for us, with us, in us!

I will begin my journey to learn how to have MORE faith!  I will continue my journey I began at Baptism!

Faith in myself and faith in what God can do was explained to me today in a talk I listened to about a plain brown bush.  The plain bush is the one that God set on fire!  It is the one that stunned Moses because it was burning and did not burn up!  

Now that I reflect on my life, I see that He is always trying to set me back on fire. We are not to live in darkness.  He is the Light of the world!  In Baptism, through the grace of the Church He established to pass on what He began, we are joined to Him and made the light of the world!

Remember the way we start out in darkness at the Easter Vigil Mass?  Then we are given candles, and they are lit up starting from the Easter candle (symbolizing Christ), to the priest, down to each other!

Ephesians 5:8: "For you were sometimes darkness, but now are you light in the Lord: walk as children of light"

Christ's life within me is the fire, lighting me up, but not consuming who I am.  Yeah, that is stunning!

I can say that in not turning to Christ more often during my low moments, it has led to a turning off of that light, that passion, in me.  In Baptism, our sponsors are told to help us keep the light of Christ burning.

1 John

5And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you: God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. 6If we say we have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.7But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin"

Set my heart on fire.  I asked for that when I was 18, after I started to really think about Confirmation, setting the world on fire, knowing, loving, trusting, serving God.  He gives us a great deal of a new start at a full life, and I just knew one should not pass that up!

At the American Heritage Girls' Leadership Conference in January 2015, there was that song on the last day that reminded me of my long-ago desire:  I wanted to set the world on fire at Pentecost and beyond with the Holy Spirit like at the First Pentecost!

Set the World on Fire 

by Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You!
It's everything that I desire.
Can I be the one You use?
I, I am small, but
You, You are big enough!
I, I am weak, but
You, You are strong enough to

Take my dreams, come and give them wings.
Lord, with You, there's nothing I cannot do,
Nothing I cannot do!"

There is a bit of a change to this theme, still with the focus on a change, a renewed passion:

I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart

   By The Inkspots

I have longed to "Shine" like the Newsboys sang:

Shine
Make 'em wonder what you've got
Make 'em wish that they were not
On the outside looking bored
Shine
Let it shine before all men
Let'em see good works, and then
Let 'em glorify the Lord

Trust Makes a Way!

I have been wanting to "start my life" since I was in my teens!  It's about reaching out, teaching what has worked for me.  It's wanting my struggles to find happiness, peace, joy, fulfillment to help others find it sooner than I have!

Fear keeps getting in my way.  What if others just want to be left alone?  What if they have questions I cannot answer?  What if I forget to practice what I have learned?

I have not gone forward in sharing my life as I had dreamed I would.  That in itself would be a whole victory story -- loving enough to reach out!

We need each other!  We need that approval and support of each other.

One needs to confront to get ahead... confront the fear and do what I know I am called to do...

Reach and teach!

I am getting the guest room ready for a visitor, and I found a book I would recommend to my father when he arrives this week:  "Do it!: Let's Get Off Our Buts."

While I was going to college, I had a book called "Life 101" which he once borrowed and recently returned.  It was written by the same author as "Do it!" and was left unread for many years:  "Then I finally picked it up and read it!"

Now, as I re-read it, it makes so much more sense:  making plans, having goals.  In my early twenties, I couldn't wrap my mind around goals.

Today I began a book on making decisions.  I made the decision to reach out and teach today!  What?  What I am learning :)

I am learning that it is in going through the fear, trusting God to sustain me, as He did for His People when He parted the Red Sea, that I can move forward.  I cannot do it alone.  (John 15:5 reminds us that we cannot do things apart from God.)

Doing it on my own power, I haven't done it, haven't moved beyond my fear.  Fear is our chance to lean on God.  We pass the test, so to speak, when we go to Him rather than back to our land of slavery.

I was listening to a YouTube video by Joyce Meyer when she visited El Paso.  She told the story of God rescuing His People with such mighty, mighty works that anyone and everyone would be able to trust Him to take care of them!

Yet, even after the parting the Red Sea that gave them a way out (one that no one could have imagined!), God is not trusted when problems arise again. Let's go back to what we knew, even if it was slavery!

We have to want a better so much that we will turn and trust God for it--and know that He will deliver!  It does not mean that He will give us the easier route.  We need the long way

sometimes (often!) to be made ready for our new challenges.  As my daughter reminds me, I am to see that I have made progress, not just say that I am not there yet and despair!  Rejoice instead!!!

I want the easy way--no wonder I keep going backward.  I focus on my fears rather than focus on Him:  I need to see the Light, look at what He IS doing now, praise Him for that, move toward Him.

I CAN do the harder way, if I abide in Him! He is reaching out to me to teach me to take the challenges! It will make me ready to turn to Him when I make decisions, going forward though afraid, for I rest in Him.

And that is a lot to learn in one morning!  All the lessons were pointing to getting past fears and doing what God is calling me to do--sharing what I have struggled through.

I can be proud of that--facing negativity and fear and going forward through it! It feels amazing to find Him there, waiting, loving, supporting me!

Kinetic Energy!

"Mommy, are you available right now?"

"I could be..."

I walk over to the living room where a pair of legs are up in the air.  I know that is the son who called me over, not because I can see his face, but because I recognize his pants! (When the pants become "hand-me-down"s, it throws me off for awhile until I link the new owner to the pants!)

"So, do I talk to the feet?" I joke to him, surprised to see him this way.

He (Oldest Brother, OB) is polite, so he realizes this is not an ideal situation for talking to me about his idea.

He is also funny, but so is his spunky, younger brother (YB) who jumps into the discussion with a closed hand up near OB's face!

The mood in the room shifts:  "How about you talk to the fist!"

His implied threat takes over.

(I never did find out what OB's idea was!)

I stand by to hear how this will play out: I can usually count on a battle of wits rather than a brute-strength battle!

OB:  "Well, hello, Fist, how are you feeling?  I hope you are feeling weak today!"

YB's Fist:  "Nope, I have a lot of energy today... kinetic energy!"

I'll let you imagine the ending.  I was off laughing really hard.  I love science talk!