Staying Small and Under the Radar

I was listening to a Ted Talk by Brene Brown at 3 minutes 30 seconds Shame and Vulnerability

Innovation, creativity, and change were the things I was asked to talk about--not shame or vulnerability.

Vulnerability is not weakness, she says.  That myth is profoundly dangerous.

Lean into the discomfort One needs to live and love with, not without, vulnerability.

Stories are "data with a soul"

Emotional risk, exposure, honesty, and it is an accurate measure of courage.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.  Create something!  Adaptability to change is vulnerability.

It is a spiritual awakening moment to break down.

Cultural "truth:" if you cannot measure it, it doesn't exist.

She wants to talk about messy topics.  Relationships are messy, but they give meaning to our lives--the ability to feel connected is how we are wired!

She wants to lay the code out for everyone to see.



I called my friend Chris and was so grateful I could be vulnerable with her.

"Opportunity for growth" amidst all the positives leads one to focus on that problem area!

I told Chris that I struggle with seeing the positive.  It is the one negative thing amidst all the positives that I will zero in on, stressing and frustrated.

Ask about love, and you hear about heartache.
Ask about belonging, you hear about rejection.
Ask about connection, and you hear about disconnection.

Shame:  fear of disconnection
The more you talk about it, the less you have it ;)

To make a connection possible, one has to be seen!

Speak up!

I have gotten stuck in the why-I-can't, trapped into just saying "poor me."

That is not the kind of daughter I want!  We have been talking about being proactive, being relentlessly happy.  And we know Who does that for us, with us, in us!

I will begin my journey to learn how to have MORE faith!  I will continue my journey I began at Baptism!

Faith in myself and faith in what God can do was explained to me today in a talk I listened to about a plain brown bush.  The plain bush is the one that God set on fire!  It is the one that stunned Moses because it was burning and did not burn up!  

Now that I reflect on my life, I see that He is always trying to set me back on fire. We are not to live in darkness.  He is the Light of the world!  In Baptism, through the grace of the Church He established to pass on what He began, we are joined to Him and made the light of the world!

Remember the way we start out in darkness at the Easter Vigil Mass?  Then we are given candles, and they are lit up starting from the Easter candle (symbolizing Christ), to the priest, down to each other!

Ephesians 5:8: "For you were sometimes darkness, but now are you light in the Lord: walk as children of light"

Christ's life within me is the fire, lighting me up, but not consuming who I am.  Yeah, that is stunning!

I can say that in not turning to Christ more often during my low moments, it has led to a turning off of that light, that passion, in me.  In Baptism, our sponsors are told to help us keep the light of Christ burning.

1 John

5And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you: God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. 6If we say we have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.7But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin"

Set my heart on fire.  I asked for that when I was 18, after I started to really think about Confirmation, setting the world on fire, knowing, loving, trusting, serving God.  He gives us a great deal of a new start at a full life, and I just knew one should not pass that up!

At the American Heritage Girls' Leadership Conference in January 2015, there was that song on the last day that reminded me of my long-ago desire:  I wanted to set the world on fire at Pentecost and beyond with the Holy Spirit like at the First Pentecost!

Set the World on Fire 

by Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You!
It's everything that I desire.
Can I be the one You use?
I, I am small, but
You, You are big enough!
I, I am weak, but
You, You are strong enough to

Take my dreams, come and give them wings.
Lord, with You, there's nothing I cannot do,
Nothing I cannot do!"

There is a bit of a change to this theme, still with the focus on a change, a renewed passion:

I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart

   By The Inkspots

I have longed to "Shine" like the Newsboys sang:

Shine
Make 'em wonder what you've got
Make 'em wish that they were not
On the outside looking bored
Shine
Let it shine before all men
Let'em see good works, and then
Let 'em glorify the Lord

Trust Makes a Way!

I have been wanting to "start my life" since I was in my teens!  It's about reaching out, teaching what has worked for me.  It's wanting my struggles to find happiness, peace, joy, fulfillment to help others find it sooner than I have!

Fear keeps getting in my way.  What if others just want to be left alone?  What if they have questions I cannot answer?  What if I forget to practice what I have learned?

I have not gone forward in sharing my life as I had dreamed I would.  That in itself would be a whole victory story -- loving enough to reach out!

We need each other!  We need that approval and support of each other.

One needs to confront to get ahead... confront the fear and do what I know I am called to do...

Reach and teach!

I am getting the guest room ready for a visitor, and I found a book I would recommend to my father when he arrives this week:  "Do it!: Let's Get Off Our Buts."

While I was going to college, I had a book called "Life 101" which he once borrowed and recently returned.  It was written by the same author as "Do it!" and was left unread for many years:  "Then I finally picked it up and read it!"

Now, as I re-read it, it makes so much more sense:  making plans, having goals.  In my early twenties, I couldn't wrap my mind around goals.

Today I began a book on making decisions.  I made the decision to reach out and teach today!  What?  What I am learning :)

I am learning that it is in going through the fear, trusting God to sustain me, as He did for His People when He parted the Red Sea, that I can move forward.  I cannot do it alone.  (John 15:5 reminds us that we cannot do things apart from God.)

Doing it on my own power, I haven't done it, haven't moved beyond my fear.  Fear is our chance to lean on God.  We pass the test, so to speak, when we go to Him rather than back to our land of slavery.

I was listening to a YouTube video by Joyce Meyer when she visited El Paso.  She told the story of God rescuing His People with such mighty, mighty works that anyone and everyone would be able to trust Him to take care of them!

Yet, even after the parting the Red Sea that gave them a way out (one that no one could have imagined!), God is not trusted when problems arise again. Let's go back to what we knew, even if it was slavery!

We have to want a better so much that we will turn and trust God for it--and know that He will deliver!  It does not mean that He will give us the easier route.  We need the long way

sometimes (often!) to be made ready for our new challenges.  As my daughter reminds me, I am to see that I have made progress, not just say that I am not there yet and despair!  Rejoice instead!!!

I want the easy way--no wonder I keep going backward.  I focus on my fears rather than focus on Him:  I need to see the Light, look at what He IS doing now, praise Him for that, move toward Him.

I CAN do the harder way, if I abide in Him! He is reaching out to me to teach me to take the challenges! It will make me ready to turn to Him when I make decisions, going forward though afraid, for I rest in Him.

And that is a lot to learn in one morning!  All the lessons were pointing to getting past fears and doing what God is calling me to do--sharing what I have struggled through.

I can be proud of that--facing negativity and fear and going forward through it! It feels amazing to find Him there, waiting, loving, supporting me!

Kinetic Energy!

"Mommy, are you available right now?"

"I could be..."

I walk over to the living room where a pair of legs are up in the air.  I know that is the son who called me over, not because I can see his face, but because I recognize his pants! (When the pants become "hand-me-down"s, it throws me off for awhile until I link the new owner to the pants!)

"So, do I talk to the feet?" I joke to him, surprised to see him this way.

He (Oldest Brother, OB) is polite, so he realizes this is not an ideal situation for talking to me about his idea.

He is also funny, but so is his spunky, younger brother (YB) who jumps into the discussion with a closed hand up near OB's face!

The mood in the room shifts:  "How about you talk to the fist!"

His implied threat takes over.

(I never did find out what OB's idea was!)

I stand by to hear how this will play out: I can usually count on a battle of wits rather than a brute-strength battle!

OB:  "Well, hello, Fist, how are you feeling?  I hope you are feeling weak today!"

YB's Fist:  "Nope, I have a lot of energy today... kinetic energy!"

I'll let you imagine the ending.  I was off laughing really hard.  I love science talk!

The Name of Jesus--Words Create Reality! Part 2 of 2 in Name of Jesus Series

With God, words have power!  



Greek and Jewish philosophers 

believed that God had created 

everything

through His word, or His wisdom.  


Words create reality with God:  

He says it, and it happens!

Words are powerful, as powerful as the speaker and the speaker's integrity and authority.

    
The "word" was His power to think

 — his rationality, His creativity.



The Word was made flesh!   In post-modern language, Jesus is God's "selfie."

(Wow, now that is getting into the Oneness of the Threeness in the Trinity!)

I often get out of balance when I do not ponder deeper spiritual realities.  I get stuck in the mundane, the routine, the comfort zone.

 I think there is plenty to learn before you are officially an adult, and you should work at growing in many areas.  I am working at doing that myself!  In reading about teens, I am finding a lot applies to adults that want to have it "more together!"

The Church sets January aside to honor the Holy Name of Jesus.  He is the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega (Revelations 22:13).  He is honored in January and December, from His Birth to His Presentation and beyond.

His very Name is a constant reminder of His task of saving us, but contains within it, as well, all the marvelous and beautiful things He did while on this earth.  Use that Holy Name with love and reverence.  Call upon Him!  His Name is a prayer, my dear!

Reflect on the meaning of things.  He gives all things purpose and meaning.  Let Him speak to you.

The Holy Name of Jesus -- getting things "more together!" Part 1 of 2 in Name of Jesus Series

The Holy Name of Jesus

I know that one always hears that teens like to form their own identity and even choose a nickname, choose and form who they are.  

I thank you for helping me understand you, bit by bit, talking to me. Thank you for reaching out via the Breathe Prayers and by reading this blog :)  This is partly for you and partly for me to meditate on greatnesses that I have a hard time valuing enough.

Thank God we are called by the Church to dwell on Truths via the Liturgial Cycle, year after year, deeper and deeper.  Pentecost is coming up and Ascension Thursday was just yesterday.   What meaning is in the Name of Jesus?

There is great love expressed in His Name!

He does it through His Son...

It means "God Saves."  Even saying His Name shows us why He lived!

You'll gobble it all up!

I've always been amazed at how quickly you go through books!

I would say it is the ratio of how-long-it-takes-to-write to how-long-it-takes-to-read that boggles my mind, as well!

It reminds me of how we would eat the bunuelos that my mother made faster than she could make them--

that is, by the time she finished making them and was ready to eat one herself (after stacking them for us for 45 minutes), there were not any left!







How does this apply to us? Well, you all make the fun food, and you share it, so we don't have that problem. 



But what about you reading my posts before I even get a chance to enjoy a comment about what you thought about what I wrote?  You'll be on searching for the next post to gobble up!

I can't keep up with that voraciousnesss!  I need to write to you for a year, and then you can have an afternoon of reading :)

That said, I will write to you at the speed of life.  It is now time to get ready for the Board meeting, so I'll see you later!  You are in my thoughts and prayers (go, get something to eat!).

Love,
your Mother

I'm proud of you! -- Kate Post #4

Many thanks, Kate, 

for those time when you take a comment of mine (after you ask for an opinion and run with it), implementing it to make the art stand out all the more!  

Bravo as you stick to what you are doing--I'm here to say I am proud of you!

In the end, I long to push past the self doubt and live in the freedom that  I have birthed something unique and others benefit and are better for it! 

Thanks for showing me that.  You paved the way for me with your perseverance in drawing.  For instance,I have seen the support that comes after you launch yourself--it encourages support!

Thanks for bringing me "to life" with your life, with your talent, with your time and love.

Know you change me as I stop hiding myself and look up and smile!  There is work to be done!  And it is good!

Your loving mother,

Veronica

P.S. Con El, todo se puede! 

P.P.S.  Draw away, muchacha!

Giving up writing... -- Kate Post #3

My darling,

-----

Here is what I read by Jon Acuff that pushed me off the fence to begin writing:

It was in that moment that I realized the lesson that no matter what you do it will be criticized. Slave away for months. Dot every i and cross every t. It is impossible to create something that everyone will like.

Most people stop right there. They get depressed by that truth and decide to stop creating.

What’s the point? It’s just going to be attacked anyway. I might as well not share anything with anyone.

Quitting at that moment is a mistake because on the other side of this idea is an amazing freedom.

Let’s rewrite the sentence, “No matter what you do, it will be criticized.” The new second half of it should be, “so make sure it’s something you’re crazy about in the first place."
----
Katherine, I am crazy about you!  I will create with you as inspiration :)

His bit made me realize I want to write--to begin with, to you!  (I already have begun since this is Post #1!)

Even if I get criticized by you, I know you love me.  We are able to help each other. I pray that is why you ask for my input for your work.  I love you and can help you.

I need to love me too!  And write!

-----

No one will believe it is my dream to write if I stay "safe" and unknown and do not speak with written words.

So, I will write about what I am crazy about:  passing on lessons to you.  Life is a lot about lessons!  

A great lesson: learn lessons from others to jumpstart you, mentor you past issues before they become your "issues."

I ask for your input, trustingly, as you have asked for mine, my dear.

You are growing into yourself well!

It means so much when you take a comment of mine after you ask for an opinion and run with it, implementing it to make the art stand out all the more!  Or you stick to what you are doing.

In the end, I long to push past the self doubt and live in the freedom that  I have produced something unique and others benefit from it and are better for it! 

You have done that!  I NEED to as well!

You have what it takes, and so do I!

You are growing into yourself daily and well!

I love WRITING! Kate Post #2

My dear,

I admire the gift that comes from you in creating as you do, pen to pad, pencil to paper.  You use colored sharpies, crayons, color pencils, markers, watercolors.  You learn from videos, books, and daily practice!

I could write from many examples how your many forms of self expression have helped me grow!  The growth for me is in believing in you and therefore in myself, as well!

Your artwork shows me how, bit by bit with consistency, you learn what works and doesn't.  You enjoy the process!

----

I want to enjoy the process of writing!

(1) I can enjoy writing again because I have an audience!
(2) Post by post, I can enjoy writing because it leads me to myself, leads me to show you my strengths and weaknesses so you can draw closer to me as you become an adult! I have always wanted to know the nitty gritty about my mother.
(3) I can enjoy writing because I can grow in my craft of words daily as I do it!

I LOVE your drawing! Kate Post #1

I want to write to you, and I will tell you why:  I  LOVE the emotion you draw into your drawings!  

I'll write to you on this blog since I don't want to clutter your inbox (though I'll clutter your bookshelf once I publish all the letter/blogs I'll write you!).

Plus, I enjoy seeing your use of colors,

of seeing so many different expressions, 

seeing many poses,

(Oh, wait, you are posing!)

clothing, 

interaction.

Hang on, 'cause this is a deep message--I want to write to you, and I will tell you why!

I'll write to you on this blog since I do not want to clutter your inbox (though I'll clutter your bookshelf once I publish all the letter/blogs I'll write you!).

I  LOVE that you draw!  

I don't usually think how helpful and encouraging it is to hear that your artwork is a treasure to me!  At times, it feels like it is in such abundance, like the dandelions you would pick for me.  But now, with you off at high school, I remember those dandelions fondly.

I want you to know I value your drawings like I do the dandelions you used to give me!  I am marveling at the creativity that comes from you.  They are not only gifts for me--but for everyone who sees them. (Sure, you will improve and add on techniques, but the act of drawing is already the gift you give.)

Then, I read an article (by Jon Acuff who has a blog to help writers) which opened my eyes to see why I don't write: I do not want to be criticized.

It is good to hear my weakness called out along with the solution!

Hail the size of ...

The hail came down so hard, late at night, dark out.  It felt like it would shatter the windows.  And indeed, it shattered many skylights in the area.  Many have been temporarily covered up with a tarp or boards.

Jesus comes down to be with us.  He comes down from on high.

Instead of damaging us like the hail, He repairs our relationships. The next morning, in seeing the damage done, in getting some roofer come by to ask about fixing roof damage, I see a parallel to what happens on Good Friday.  Jesus knows we are damaged and have suffered.  He takes the initiative to fix things.

The hail in a modern day parable could stand in for the sin that is faster, bigger than we realize. We are astounded by its impact, its suddenness.  It comes suddenly, then seems to be gone, but it is has left its mark.

We need fixing.  And in the roofer, the Savior, we find that fix.

I was humbled by the size of that hail.  It also makes me think I need to work on the inside of me.  And I won't be alone when I do that :)

Don't get lost... in the negative!

I will not expect the doubts to go away.

I just learn how to face them, acknowledge them, work past them. Housework overwhelms me, leaving me wondering when I will read, write, connect with friends.

The work doesn't go away, but when I face it, I grow--and then I can give to others, especially those nearest to me.  I want to give them God's love not my frustration.

Pick up on what you are always talking about already.  Then branch out and help others with that :)

Research and put down what you learn.  Or say it with a photo...

Integrate things or close the door and move on. Have an impact!

Use your energy well by living right where you are -- not thinking in the past or into the future, even if that means clearing a counter for a clean home or baking a pie for a surprise dessert or saying a prayer to get closer to God and others.

Complex ideas -- simple steps -- take action -- make it happen -- that is the creator part in us that we share with God by being in His Image.

Be gutsy.  Be proactive.  You are the one that can make that particular thing happen!  God is always showing us the way we are to go.

Your Today Message: Move forward!

How to advance?

Bit by bit.

Look around at what needs doing.

Do something now.  Begin. Your talents kick in once you throw your hat  in the ring!

One can miss the action of the moment by not observing what is available.

Say "I  am enough.  I have enough."

He is always providing.

Walk with Him.

Your talents  can help you give, and then you receive so abundantly!

I have been stuck so often, wanting to know the next step!

Children often go forward in confidence, curiosity, and creativity!

So, I take a step into inviting you in, not having the blogs for future days written now, but come back as things unfold, bit by bit to observe the blooming of it all!  Not just my blooming, but yours, as well.

Take control--take the steps!

Whenever, it seems, that I mention I have four children, I get the question of how do I do it.

"How do you get done so much?" is probably the question.

The simple answer is "I am not alone."  I have God's help, my husband's support, and friends and family. Well, that is my answer on a good day.  

As a woman, especially on long, tiring days, I deal with my internal voice which asks the question: "Why can't you get things done?  You fail to execute on those plans you write down on your to-do list!"

One key factor is for getting things done is to:

the emotions!

By controlling my emotions, like the one of despair or frustration, I regain control over my thinking which helps me get things done rather than stewing over how I feel.  

It is a relaxed control rather than frenetic activity.  Simply put, it is the ability to look at the situation, think and reflect on options, and act appropriately.

That is, not just going on knee-jerk reactions, explosive reactions, impulses, and fears.

My husband can be quite good with relaxed control, thinking things out and planning.  Seeing him to it, I've learned how to do it, to some extent!  In fact, this year, I planned the family vacation!

He and I had wanted to go see the U.S.S. Lexington for quite some time in Corpus Christi!  We anticipated seeing aircraft carrier built for the Navy in WWII  was commissioned in 1943, saw action in the Pacific, got remodernized in the 1950s, served as a training carrier for 30 years, and was decommissioned in 1991.  It was an amazing adventure for my three sons who are WWII buffs.

I have been using this technique of controlling my emotion of anger when I hear some snippy remark from my teenage daughter.  She doesn't mind pushing buttons...

 and so I push back by taking control and addressing the deeper issues.  I ask what she is going through.  (Plus, she is REALLY good at apologizing on her own!  I make that easier by not pushing back and staying open to her.)

In the process, I am taking control.

I know appreciate that God is ALWAYS open for us!  He is also the One in control of everything... like helping my friends I visited in Corpus Christi this last July to move back to the Dallas area this March!  He takes control and asks us to move in His Plans... living our vocation brings great joy and growth for ourselves and others (though it isn't as easy as pushing a button!).